I Write About It, Becasue I Feel It...

I know now what it is i need.  I know I thrive on having someone to spoil and care for and love, who loves me back and just enjoys me for me.  The problem I run into is that I don't feel like I'm in a position to uphold my end of that bargain. The catch, is that I need that type of situation to propel me further.  Maybe it's a weakness or maybe its just who I am and I know how to get the most out of me.  I believe its just who I am.  I know I am a loving caring man who has buckets of love to give. I feed off of the encouragement a partner gives. I thrive in an environment where I'm getting positive feedback.

Its not easy to find that perfect balance without already being in that situation.  Usually we give up a apart of who we are to find someone we grow to trust and then we slowly open up and show them who we really are and hope they don't go running for the heals.  I wouldn't say I have trust issues, because I'm quick to give trust, I'm just not that quick to rebuild it once someone has broken it. Its not a matter of not forgiving, but more along the lines of protecting myself. I don't like to be hurt. Physical pain i can handle, its that emotional pain that cuts me the deepest and is the hardest for me to recover from.

I gave my all once.  Actually, I gave my all and then some. I went above and beyond the expected call of duty, and i did it freely.  My problem was, and I know this now, I gave up too much ground without demanding I get what I needed in return.  Befriend me and I'll bend over backwards for you.  Love me and I'll try to lasso the moon for you and deliver it on a big silver platter fully complimented with stars and other solar systems. Its who I am, its in my nature, I crave the appreciation of a love that recognizes love.  I gave all of that once and had it turned upside down on me.  I wasn't hurt by the words so much as the broken trust.  You can't truly be hurt unless you've truly opened your heart and loved.  I now have to consider myself damaged goods because i'm no where near the man I once was and could be.

They say the love of a good woman can change a man.  I say the love of a good woman to a good man can make that relationship perfect.  I am a perfect man when I have or at least believe I have the love of a good woman.  I crave it, I seek it, I dream and write about it.  It does leave me a bit vulnerable to charlatans and gold diggers, but it truly is a risk I have no problem taking if I get my Love tank filled.  I am not a normal man, I need more then just a good meal and good sex to make it through the day.  I can cook my own damn meal.  I need to be stimulated not just physically but mentally and emotionally.  I'm like a love cactus, if you are lucky enough to get close enough, you will get pricked with a whole lot of love needles. 

All in all, I just want someone who appreciates me for who I am, flaws and all and at this point, they have to be patient enough and understanding enough to realize I'm not going to just open up to them unless they show me they can understand.  There was a time I had more self confidence then I needed, and I was always able to get my way.  Now that self confidence has take a major hit and its been a lot harder to work my way through it.  All my life I was the lifeline for others.  I was the no strings attached encouragement they needed to get back on their feet.  I know what it looks like from the outside in, but i'm on the inside now and I just don't have a map for how to navigate these corridors.  Its an emotional maze that I keep going the wrong way in.

So here's to getting lost in love and loving the journey.  May we all find the kind of love that unleashes our own love tidal wave. I say I love you because I mean it.  I meant I love you because I said it.....Enjoy

Mind Body And Soul

 

Mind.

In my dreams I see you.  You stop my heart.

I feel drawn to your loving face.

An ever, glowing ember of happiness.

My mind begins to race.

 

Body.

In my fantasies I hear you.  You take my breath.

I'm entranced by the taste of your kiss.

An all consuming realm of passion.

My body is filled with bliss.

 

Soul.

In my desires I feel you.  You blow my mind.

I'm melted by, the warmth of your love.

An endless flow of tenderness.

My soul shall never get enough.

 

I am yours mind, body and soul.

And one more.

Too Good To Be True

 

I know what I desire

What things I seek

I'll settle for nothing less

My hearts on fire

I've lost my speech

My body is devoid of stress

You're refreshingly bright

More than anyone could want

And yet I just don't know

You love to cuddle at night

Your body's so smooth and taunt

When you speak your voice just flows

Could you really be here

All that I feel is so new

Have I finally found somewhere for my love to go

The question is clear

Are you too good to be true

The answer is yes I think so

 

I wish I could give in

Just be swept away

But fear makes me hesitate

You're such a great friend

I seek your face everyday

It seems from you there is just no escape

Just what would it take

Is there a test to give

Can I really trust my heart to you

Who's to say you're no fake

We learn as we live

Falling in love is just something we must do

There's so much I'll endure

Many trials I'll go through

Learning life's little lessons as I go

I just want to be sure

Are you too good to be true

The fact is I just don't know