Old Friend, New Nemesis...

Old Friend, New Nemesis

Hello my new nemesis formerly my old friend.

I see you trying to poke your head into my life again.

I escaped you once, you returned, again I broke free.

Now it's the dawn of a new day, a new era, a new me.

You fucked me over once and impregnated me with hate.

But I gave birth to redemption and I'm raising a clean slate

Your old tricks have no power over the new me that I am.

You can knock on my door all you want, I don't give a damn.

Your demise is made clear by this smile on my face.

I'm closing you down like an open and shut case.

You had full control of me once upon a time.

You were cruel and demanding and hard on my mind.

Now I'm in control and running this show.

You were indeed strong, but it was time for you to go.

You have been evicted never to be allowed back in.

Yours truly, your new nemesis, formerly your old friend.


Okay so here's the deal, this is new to me. I am officially in uncharted waters.  What I do know is this, for the first time ever, I don't have that feeling like I HAVE to be in total control.  That doesn't mean i'm enjoying a free fall with no direction, but more like i'm allowing myself to venture into the unknown without having previously obtained knowledge of things.
I just finished creating that piece.  It took me longer then I thought it would.  I had started it and then set it aside for a couple weeks before it started nagging me as to why i couldn't finish it.  My cousin from back east put it in perspective for me, she said its because I wasn't ready to be done with it yet.  That was all the motivation I needed to finish it. I am indeed ready to be done with it and so I finished it.
So if you haven't figured out by now what the topic of this creation is, let me shine a little light on the subject with the help of my friends over at webmd......

"(WebMD)  More than one in 20 Americans aged 12 and older are depressed, according to the latest statistics from the CDC.

Of them, 80% report some level of functional impairment because of their illness, with 27% reporting that it is extremely difficult to work, get things done at home, or get along with others because of the symptoms of their depression."

I learned a very valuable fact recently.  There's a reason they say the first step in fixing a problem is to first admit you have one.  The single most hardest thing for a strong individual to do is to admit to having a problem they can't fix on their own.  We give depression its greatest weapon against us. Pride!  Our pride takes a major hit when we have to ask for help, not sure why it does but I know it does. That's why the first step is admitting you have a problem because its the hardest step.  Here's some more fun facts I found...

"Only 29% of depressed individuals said that they contacted a mental health professional in the past year, and just 39% of people with severe depression contacted a mental health professional in the past year."

That kinda points to it right there. Even when we know we're going through and are in the midst of depression we still resist the urge to go get help.  There is such a stigma put on psychology and psychiatrist that we fear seeking their assistance.

I used to want to be a psychologist. I started going to school for it and got within 2 years of my bachelor degree.  I should know better. I do know better. I also know that it is so hard fighting through the clutches of depression.  I was lucky, I had a recent event snap me out of my slide. It was in that moment, when my pride was stripped away, that I was able to take off the depression colored glasses and start seeing life through my own eyes again.  I didn't realize it at the time, I just felt a great sense of relief, like a great weight was lifted from my shoulders.  When i looked back I was able to see that my pride was keeping me from getting help and allowing depression to guide me down a dark and lonesome path that would have only ended in destruction.  I broke free and believe me, I'm not going back.

Depression is like an addiction.  It gets a hold of you and you be come dependent on it.  It feeds on every single emotion we have by using our pride against us.  Your fears of discovery, your fears of loss, even your fears of being happy.  They're all turned against us through pride.  I'm not professional and I don't have any medical degrees.  What I do have is life experience and my experience has taught me that no matter how bleak or hopeless a situation may seem, we are not alone.  we're never alone.  We aren't able to see the helping hands reaching for us because depression is whispering in our ears.  Knowing depression is an addiction, I know its a constant battle to keep it at bay. I know that I need to continuously enjoy the little things that bring me joy.  The small moments of happiness build up the defenses.

It nice to get back to me, to get back to seeing the joy and happiness each day brings.  Its not about who notices my new love of life, its about ME noticing it and bathing in it each day.  Getting excited when I see a rainbow. Taking time to stop and let a cool breeze blow over me.  The simple things that can bring us so much pleasure yet we let pass us by every day.  I love me some me, I just had to remember that I am worthy of the love. I am lovable and I deserve the smile I wear on my face.  It feels good to feel good.

So I share my brand new creation in the tiniest of hope that on some level, someone, somewhere will come across this and maybe it'll encourage them to take that first step towards healing. To see that there is hope, it is possible to beat it and there are plenty of people who've done it and are willing to help them do it too.
Always remember....

Look Up

 

In times of despair when all hope is gone.

The sky stays dark from dusk till dawn.

No love no joy no relief in sight.

Frustration and pain drain your strength to fight.

Life has no meaning nothing seems fair.

You stand alone no desire to care.

Raise your head stand tall you're just stalled not stuck.

Remember when you're on the bottom, there's no place to go but up.